Read The Fine Print First

by chris cunningham

I love trips to the market. Although, today I snuck out on my Whole Foods [LINK] and cheated on her with the nearby Ralphs [LINK] market. I feel ashamed but I needed food and some household things like towels and lightbulbs. She can’t provide that so I went looking elsewhere. The sexy allure of overstocked shelves and big beautiful aisles is hard to resist.
So I’m pushing my cart around Ralphs and come across the candy section. On the top shelf I see a bag of “Sugar Free” Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I love the regular Peanut Butter cups. So what if they’ve nailed the taste but without sugar? I could sit and drink diet Dr. Peppers and Reese’s Sugar Free Peanut Butter Cups everyday! Excellent! So I pick up a bag and on the way home I eat a few. Hmmm… not bad. Not really as good as the real ones but not a bad substitute.
So I’m home cleaning the house and flash forward a few hours later. Man, what the hell is wrong with me?? My stomach is making the most god awful noises and… In the unraveling of events I just happened to look on the back of the Reese’s bag [LINK]. Needless to say, read the fine print first. My dream of a Dr. Pepper and Peanut Butter Cup world just came to a crashing end. Aw crap, literally. Their idea of excess consumption and mine are obviously different.